Saturday, 7 September 2013

Alias Smith and Jones and Orlebar ...



THE BED’S short term future, unlike mine, was decided by a speed ball of whatever drugs were left by my good self at the Spanish hospital, while I made my way off to Casa Crime for an evening of ludes and cocktails.

I was surprised by my welcome from Hatchet and Pete ‘The Claw’, who having imbibed one of Skylon’s famous lysergic laced lunches were sat atop of their abode, with some delightfully scantily clad girls, so my hurry to pack what little I have with me into the bullet proof Mini-Moke wasn’t needed, but I did have to talk the boys down.

During our previous conversations I of course reneged on telling the lads that I have a sort of ‘history’ of gun accidents and had practically eloped to the Costa after a similar type of incident.
What they do not know and all that, although of course, it did hurt The Bed, and of course he may well come under the spot light of the long arm of the law, if we do not spring him sometime soon from his bedridden state.

I usher the boys down with a mix of high explosive projectiles, having spent a while binding together several empty toilet rolls bound together with the tights that have been shed by the two bevvied beauties, who are sporting a particularly nice Lacoste polos, one in the Caiman flamant pink, the other in the lemon shirt and not a lot else. Both are stuck on the terra cotta roof tiles with Hatchet and The Bed, but quickly make their way down to terra firma after a few volleys of rockets, which due to the loose ties of the sheer leggings begin to fire off in all directions.

The porno-pyrotechnic display ends with the girls swan-diving into the pool, while The Claw and Hatchet attempt to catch some of the rockets and disappear over the other side of the roof.

I rescue said pair from the now destroyed roof of the old bright yellow Corniche, but of course take my eye off the Chinese firework cannon I had so superbly created and with a mind of its own it has turned its attentions to the girls who have taken cover in the pool for safety and setting light to several nearby sheds and pool houses.

This night is becoming a bit more like life on the Skylon Estate and I settle down to a discussion on clothing along with my two gangland compadres, along with a promise to give them some Skylon-hallucinogen combat training.

Now, despite my continued uncertainty about the Peter Pan 12-bore lifestyles of my cohorts, I cannot help but be impressed by their sartorial style and as I watch The Claw rip open cans of beer at will, hence his name, famous for ripping open various ‘safety doors’ and removal of CCTV cameras with his bare hands.

Sporting a cracking Paul Smith polka dot shirt, a dip dyed long sleeve number, with grey mother of pearl buttons, light grey with white polka dots top half, navy dyed bottom, along with Chambray yoke and cuff trims.
He has dropped in a delicious pair of dark Levi slim fits, turned up of course.

The Paul Smith Graham shoe is a corker and works superbly with this sort of relaxed collegiate look.
This brushed suede upper shoe is of the classis tassel styling, rubber soles, light stich details and comes in brown or blue. The colourings are soft, with burnished toe and heel tabs and a nice Paul Smith coloured heal pull.

They also come with a PS stow bag. I am a sucker for the little details, so am obviously sold on the bag.


The Claw has gone sans socks I notice, but draped over the chair behind him, and although not really needed in this hot weather, The Claw dresses for all season, all the time and is a stunning fur-lined Carhartt Sheffield jacket.
This black beauty, with pile top collar, pile lined, regular fit military style coat has me won over.

I cannot imagine wearing it here during the day, unless you needed to shed a few pounds, but for the coming winter months back in Blighty this is an absolute winner.

He also always carries some sort of small bag, in this occasions working perfectly with the fur trim of the coat, is a corking Filson twill carry-on travel bag.

Easy packing, large zip pocket bag, the cotton oil finished bag, with bridle leather straps has a snap close front pocket and is a US made delight.

I have seen Claw sporting the otter green bag, which is a two strap oval shaped bag, with open rear pocket (full length) and a strong base to ensure tough durability.
Although a carry on design, this is slightly bulkier in design.

Hatchet has been sporting Orlebar Brown, which is very unusual for a man who generally as a rule always sports Britannia brands, but the stunning Bulldog shorts in navy, with the Felix top in Mazanine, although he has kept true with the Paul Smith Broderick trainers in white, although they also come in black, this is a superb hybrid trainer, true style, but you could get away with some training in them, mainly from the chair to the bar and back.

As I sit and talk clothes I realise my mouth is getting dry and I need a break for some further cocktail action, do not fear Skylon will be right back …

I’ll drink to that …