Friday, 20 September 2013

On a Red Wing and a prayer ...


SO OPERATION ‘Hooded Claw’ was planned as we made our way through a series of sewer pipes on our way to freedom from the local constabulary who had launched a night time, well early evening, raid on Casa Crime.

Those cheeky Spanish devils shot up the drinks cabinet as well, leaving yours truly to grab the scrapings left, one litre of AH Hirsch Reserve bourbon and two bottles of Hacienda La Capilla tequila, not much to go on then, but continual swigs have helped make my subterranean sorjoun slightly more palatable.

During the rush to leave sans arrest, I also managed to grab a few pairs of The Claw’s Red Wing boots, while the lads stocked up on weapons, and the girls just fled.

Now I am not a man to do things by half, but I think the lad’s plan to attack the hospital where The Bed is currently in situ and then evacuate the country, somewhere in South America is flawed at best.
I have not spoken with The Colonel, but I am hoping they are not planning on pitching up in Cuba, I already have my ideas on that one … more on that later, presuming we get out alive from the ‘Blazing Saddles’ style raid alive.

I know I nicknamed the guys the Wild Bunch, but as I watch my Armani BCO trainers slowly ruin with every flush of the local sewer system, I really am hoping this does not end in a similar fashion.
As such I have already begun chatting to Bubbles and her cohort regarding some sort of escape plan once we have reached the other end of this shit street slog, I am also slightly concerned about lighting up one of my remaining Cohibas with all this dormant methane around.

Trading the trainers for a darker coloured pair or Moc Lug brown Red Wings. This boot has Good Ole USA written over it more than most things you see nowadays.
Based on the original RW boot, this leather beauty with Goodyear welted construction, seven hole metal eyelets lace ups, with triple stitching, ensure its robust quality, with the RW logo embossed in the right ankle of the boot.

The light brown Oro-iginal version is the same, but not a suitable colour for the current sh-ituation.
The ‘supersole’ black boot comes with padded ankle top and a padded ankle top and is known as the Frankfurter in Germany and the London Boot in good old Albion. 

Some fights will never end eh???!!!

With a name similar to the man, (Beckman), who held me for questioning in Leningrad or some such Ruski Gulag, many years ago after my failed vodka fuelled attempt to smuggle out 1000 blow up dolls, wearing Trotsky masks.
My attempts to humour Beckman by replying ‘My name is Harry Palmer’ to all his questions, did nothing for international relations at a tricky time during the cold war.
Having surrendered both my men servants and a few a bottles of Dalmare 62, I believe from the 1876 malt, I was given a Mil Mi24 flight to the Balkans and freedom, that was last I heard of Beckman, until now, and I must say the boot version is much easier on the eye.

A more cultured, not outdoors, boot, the Beckman is a six-inch, Goodyear welted soled beauty. 
The durable boot has a long history with the US designer and it’s obvious why.
A real muted classic.
Once out of the tunnel, I managed to get Bubbles and Bingo, as I have now named them, to follow me away from the hospital, telling the lads that I was planning on taking the ‘high ground near the target’ using as much nonsense military speak as possible, to provide cover with some highly volatile Molatov cocktail barrages.













This was of course nonsense and once the girls had donned the Wings footwear we hastily made our way towards the nearest beach, and after stealing a large bag of ice form a beach side bar, some glasses and of course a parasol, we launched a lilo proudly named the HMS Ivre Pour le Vie.

I have no idea where we will end up, although I must say I did manage a quick call to The Colonel to call for assistance.

Using Bubble and Bingos skirts as sails we set off on our journey with the slight clatter of helicopter blades, presumably the Policia cleaning up after the Wild Bunch.


Whatever land awaits us, it’s been fun so far.

And I will definitely drink to that





Wednesday, 11 September 2013

Schott to pieces


Now it might be a bit like that awful plum in mouth sudo-intellectual American, on Through the Keyhole or whatever it was called, but I was determined and heavily fuelled on Mescal to check out some more of The Claw’s threads aligning his wardrobe.

Now you girls and boys know your old pal Skylon well enough by now to realise that nothing is done without a little bit of trickery and as I had promised earlier to give the lads a bit of combat-hallucinogen training, I set about messing with my gangland buds heads.

I am not sure if any of you are aware of my work with the US military after the second world war, with people staring at goats among other things and also the fun-packed use of LSD to immobilise enemy troops as part of Operation Delirium.
The Yanks paid me well over the odds to basically take lots of LSD and give it to soldiers as well. 
That's what I call a 'Special Relationship'.

I devised some, brain twisters, such as climbing an unsupported ladder and had left the boys crashing and bashing around in the garden attempting to achieve the impossible, especially when your perception is as tainted as it is on LSD-25.

I took this opportunity to sneak a peak in the Claw’s wardrobe at what can only be described as a formidable collection of new season clothes.
Jacket wise The Claw has definitely stolen a march with what appears to be every ‘college’ AW13 jacket made by US brand Schott.

Celebrating 100 years of American styling the new Schott Varsity jackets are everything you would expect, the NYC using the classic two tone colouring of body and arms with a navy body, brown leather trimmed side pockets, brown leather arms and quilted orange lining. The second Varsity jacket offering comes with a black body and grey leather, same trims.

Now bomber or flight jackets? The argument could rage on, but just ask some of the boys who took to the sky for Her Majesty’s air force and you will know the difference.

The Schott x American college jacket is a nylon one colour through jacket, with Schott badge on the chest, left arm pocket in black, with zip front and two button side flap pockets it also comes in steel grey.
The American combo is a thinner fit than the CWU-R jackets that come deeper outline stitched pockets, heavy duty zip and leather tag, a removable Schott badge, and quilt lining.
The CWU’s come in red, green, navy, black or tinted blue.

Camo is such a maligned fashion statement I really like it although I am sure The Claw’s affection for it is driven by some other requirements, but either way the Felted patch pocket camouflage blazer from Woolrich is something rarely seen, combining a classic blazer look with combat colours.
One chest pocket; iconic blazer style, single rear vent, soft wool blend for the jacket, two-button front.
Hunting or combat seems to be in The Claw’s tastes at present with the Mackenzie red blend-hunting jacket again from Woolrich.

A stand out garment this red and black check print wool jacket comes with four outer pockets with flap covers, adjustable cuffs, branded buttons and a detachable throat tab.
It’s a zip and button front fastening coat and is quality.

Amidst the boxes of Red Wing boots, of which are there are several I stumbled across what appears to be a badly drawn schematic of the hospital The Bed is currently situated, I now have some inkling as to the lads plans, but despite making a swift exit, I could not resist having a peak at the beautifully crafted footwear that is the Wings.

I’ll wax lyrical about those in a bit, as I have heard a terrible crash outside and a splatter of gun fire … sounds like more fun at Casa del Crime.

I’ll drink to that













Saturday, 7 September 2013

Alias Smith and Jones and Orlebar ...



THE BED’S short term future, unlike mine, was decided by a speed ball of whatever drugs were left by my good self at the Spanish hospital, while I made my way off to Casa Crime for an evening of ludes and cocktails.

I was surprised by my welcome from Hatchet and Pete ‘The Claw’, who having imbibed one of Skylon’s famous lysergic laced lunches were sat atop of their abode, with some delightfully scantily clad girls, so my hurry to pack what little I have with me into the bullet proof Mini-Moke wasn’t needed, but I did have to talk the boys down.

During our previous conversations I of course reneged on telling the lads that I have a sort of ‘history’ of gun accidents and had practically eloped to the Costa after a similar type of incident.
What they do not know and all that, although of course, it did hurt The Bed, and of course he may well come under the spot light of the long arm of the law, if we do not spring him sometime soon from his bedridden state.

I usher the boys down with a mix of high explosive projectiles, having spent a while binding together several empty toilet rolls bound together with the tights that have been shed by the two bevvied beauties, who are sporting a particularly nice Lacoste polos, one in the Caiman flamant pink, the other in the lemon shirt and not a lot else. Both are stuck on the terra cotta roof tiles with Hatchet and The Bed, but quickly make their way down to terra firma after a few volleys of rockets, which due to the loose ties of the sheer leggings begin to fire off in all directions.

The porno-pyrotechnic display ends with the girls swan-diving into the pool, while The Claw and Hatchet attempt to catch some of the rockets and disappear over the other side of the roof.

I rescue said pair from the now destroyed roof of the old bright yellow Corniche, but of course take my eye off the Chinese firework cannon I had so superbly created and with a mind of its own it has turned its attentions to the girls who have taken cover in the pool for safety and setting light to several nearby sheds and pool houses.

This night is becoming a bit more like life on the Skylon Estate and I settle down to a discussion on clothing along with my two gangland compadres, along with a promise to give them some Skylon-hallucinogen combat training.

Now, despite my continued uncertainty about the Peter Pan 12-bore lifestyles of my cohorts, I cannot help but be impressed by their sartorial style and as I watch The Claw rip open cans of beer at will, hence his name, famous for ripping open various ‘safety doors’ and removal of CCTV cameras with his bare hands.

Sporting a cracking Paul Smith polka dot shirt, a dip dyed long sleeve number, with grey mother of pearl buttons, light grey with white polka dots top half, navy dyed bottom, along with Chambray yoke and cuff trims.
He has dropped in a delicious pair of dark Levi slim fits, turned up of course.

The Paul Smith Graham shoe is a corker and works superbly with this sort of relaxed collegiate look.
This brushed suede upper shoe is of the classis tassel styling, rubber soles, light stich details and comes in brown or blue. The colourings are soft, with burnished toe and heel tabs and a nice Paul Smith coloured heal pull.

They also come with a PS stow bag. I am a sucker for the little details, so am obviously sold on the bag.


The Claw has gone sans socks I notice, but draped over the chair behind him, and although not really needed in this hot weather, The Claw dresses for all season, all the time and is a stunning fur-lined Carhartt Sheffield jacket.
This black beauty, with pile top collar, pile lined, regular fit military style coat has me won over.

I cannot imagine wearing it here during the day, unless you needed to shed a few pounds, but for the coming winter months back in Blighty this is an absolute winner.

He also always carries some sort of small bag, in this occasions working perfectly with the fur trim of the coat, is a corking Filson twill carry-on travel bag.

Easy packing, large zip pocket bag, the cotton oil finished bag, with bridle leather straps has a snap close front pocket and is a US made delight.

I have seen Claw sporting the otter green bag, which is a two strap oval shaped bag, with open rear pocket (full length) and a strong base to ensure tough durability.
Although a carry on design, this is slightly bulkier in design.

Hatchet has been sporting Orlebar Brown, which is very unusual for a man who generally as a rule always sports Britannia brands, but the stunning Bulldog shorts in navy, with the Felix top in Mazanine, although he has kept true with the Paul Smith Broderick trainers in white, although they also come in black, this is a superb hybrid trainer, true style, but you could get away with some training in them, mainly from the chair to the bar and back.

As I sit and talk clothes I realise my mouth is getting dry and I need a break for some further cocktail action, do not fear Skylon will be right back …

I’ll drink to that …







Wednesday, 4 September 2013

Get Carter or Barbour


SOMETHING FOR the weekend sir?
A cry not heard so much nowadays, but it was a common question from any barbers worth their salt across this great nation.
My answer of course would have been; ‘Yes, a lawnmower please’. Either that or a smart bag the likes of a Simon Carter or a Barbour.

A good bag completes any look and I am taken with the aforementioned, if only to help shift my cigars back for important afternoons of cocktails with my old chum Skylon, along with some fake passports, and ID changes for the old fella.

The Carter bags suitably have two bags titled ‘weekend’ those cheeky devils must have been reading my mind.
I truly love these bags, not in some unhealthy fetish stylie, just tat they remind of what a bag really is in shape, practicality and style, but these bags have some superb touches.

Genuine leather in construct, the bags are holdall in style with a removable leather strap, two carry handles, with one main picket and an inner pocket, which comes with a delightful comic print lining, which is such a nice touch.

The St. Leonard’s bag comes in black or brown and well, is the one for me.
Laptop transportation will never be the same again with the London canvas bag.
This once again comes with a removable shoulder strap, with external pockets, a compartment, padded of course, for said laptop, leather trims and main body of suede.

There are five bags in the range, the London khaki, the London Lewes and the London Harris Tweed completing the group.

The Harris is a satchel and has a beautiful tweed top, two external pockets, with canvas construction in the mina, with leather fittings.
The bag also has adjustable webbed shoulder straps.

This London label really does provide some incredible pieces, but also worth notice are a few ‘holdall’ style bags by Barbour such as the Portside bag and the Notch Explorer and the Tarras.
The Tarras is a beautiful double front pocket with tartan lining, internal compartments and is 100 per cent leather.

This soft durable bag is a delight, with the delicious Notch bag, comes with the tartan inner, Dept B branding with one long inner zip sealed pocket. The Portside is a stunning holdall style bag, with all the trimmings and is a waxed canvas, leather combination and really, well just check it out as and when you can, you won’t regret it.

Now I do not imagine most, if any of you, will be carrying anything other than the requisite clothes for a superb weekend away with your mates or some lucky lady, but if you do see Skylon struggling along with any of these over his shoulder, take a step in the opposite direction.

Hasta la Victoria Siempre 












Monday, 2 September 2013

Get in line with the G9 (Baracuta)


I SOMETIMES wonder whether some things are better left alone, staying singular, lone wolf style, or as the superb theme tune to one of my favourite anarchic films Freebie and The Bean goes: ‘We go together, just like peaches and cream, two peas in a pod, you and me’.

It makes more sense, two heads are better than one and to those familiar with the movie seeing Alan Arkan and James Caan run riot as two unruly big city cops and it began to make sense to me that despite the chaos he continually seems to cause wherever he treads, drinks and well pitches up Skylon is my mate and the two of us do go together well.

The Baracuta G9, which unlike the G8 conference has a use, and also a definitive style that holds time. I also feel that with this superb leather diamond of a piece, which can only be described as 'cool as fuck' goes the Farah Huxley shirt.

The 100 per cent Harrington jacket which sports two front slant pockets, ribbed waist and cuffs has full zip closure, slim fit and literally rolls back the years. Think Brando, McQueen, but with modern twists such as the Coolmax fabric lining.

The Italian made jacket comes in a limited edition and unless I have been drinking some of Skylon’s gunpowder laced cocktails, the Huxley shirt from Farah works perfectly with the G9.

As part of the label’s autumn/winter vintage collection, this long sleeve, 100 per cent cotton shirt has a delicious printed pattern all over, button down front and slim fit.

Single cuffs and a button down collar complete the look, with a yellow Farah letter logo on the left hand side of the chest. 

The print has a Japanese feel to it with a heavy black main colour, it is really is a bit spesh this one,



with the light alternate colourings working superbly against the G9s solid brown leather.

I have not heard from Skylon recently, the old adage no news is good news, doesn't seem to work with my old mucka, I am afraid.

Hasta la Victoria siempre