SHOTGUN testing this morning went very well, the lads tell me they like to keep in touch with their old skills, so I am presuming a night of cat burgling will be on the cards in the coming weeks, although I have told the guys I will not be wearing a common or garden wool balaclava, especially in this heat.
I am not sure sometimes if the members of the Wild Bunch remember where good old Skylon comes from, but elite status is my byword, as you all know too well.
So, I was delighted to see Dave ‘The Bed’ sporting some easily targetable colours with the superb summer Lacoste colours.
If one sports brand has elite status it’s the French national logo of Lacoste and although his clothes are now covered in spatters of blood, I am not that good a shot, ‘The Bed’ has shown his true class, even combining a Mac navy hooded waterproof jacket with his bullet proof vest, but removing this before I did the same with my ear plugs resulted in a bit of an accident.
Even as the staff at ‘hospital as grande’ cut the iconic blood soaked caiman red polo from Dave’s chest and attempted to calm his nerves with a heavy dose of valium, little did he know Skylon had bagged all the sedatives on the way in, my admiration for ‘The Bed’s’ adoration of the French label.
The security locks on the old botiquin, that’s medicine cabinet for the uninitiated, are not too clever in the Costa, so, as you would expect liberally helped myself to whatever was on offer. Uppers, downers, screamers, laughers etc.
It seems the WB boys have tutored Skylon well, pity for ‘The Bed’.
I always love the Lacoste polo colours, the Sauge Mari green is a superb soft finish and will be a perfect replacement for Dave’s now dissected red shirt.
The perfect two-button placket icon shirt is, well perfect isn’t it! Ahead of its time and managing to stay there, Dave is almost a slave to the French labels’ bright a breezy colour ways.
He probably should have chosen the Abysses Marl navy polo to hide the blood, but oh no ‘The Bed’ ran with the green, which is now so discoloured it is reminiscent of the Toubiere brown shirt.
Then again how was he supposed to know I would unload both barrels into him?
Statements are always made with a Lacoste polo and softer toned cotton mix in the Sauge Mari green and the Armoise Marl grey is definitely a strong one.
His Nosara SPM blue flip flops are in a pretty bad way as well, having hit the doctors head as Dave kicked out following a rather large needle jammed into his backside and fallen into a high powered fan.
These 100 per cent rubber Havaianas style footwear is a winner.
I also do not hold out much hope for his orange chinos, which are now being wrestled from his legs.
All the delightful finishes such as the regular fit tapered hem, contrasting turn ups, button fly, angle pockets and button rear pocket are lost on the doctors who are now beating down on Dave to try and calm him as well as remove said trousers.
The scene unfolding is messy, reminiscent of a Tango orange massacre, complete with bent needles and flying white jackets.
It’s not helped by my continued valium top ups I must say, which resulted in me accidentally letting off the sawn off ‘shoota’ into the ceiling as I fell backwards after a few blasts on the defibrillator.
Even though my chest hair is now thoroughly singed, it would have been silly not to take advantage of all the thrills on hand now wouldn’t it?!!?!
I’ll drink to that, for the rest of the sun soaked afternoon at least.