DESPITE MY protestations as a young child my mother Lady Eleanor Cheese Bowl of Weybridge would always insist on yours truly being dunked in the local pool, known to many of you as the Channel.
I much preferred letting off guns, or mixing up drinks a laudable amount of Old Fashioneds, I am sure underage drinking was not illegal, well if it was the police who came to complain were sent away with a flea in their ears in the guise of a pound of buckshot.
I would as you can imagine place a variant twist on mother’s demands, the song ‘I love to go swimming with women’ may give you some clue as to frivolity a young Master Skylon would have making use of the Royal Yacht or whatever sea faring vessel was available, and I use that term in its loosest.
I find myself, stuck by the seaside as I am and having spent as much time as humanly possible imbibing or mixing various amounts of pharmaceuticals with rock based sweets, taking to the waters surrounding.
And what a stunning range of attire there is to make this splash-tastic pastime worthwhile.
To the more eloquent among you, and I take it anyone reading my words would be nothing else but, please ignore the word splash-tastic.
I have been making Sergei shout it as he leaps ‘mooning’ from the crumbling West Pier. It is amusing me, as this 6ft 5” goat headed fool, hurls himself from the structure, and in a drained accent splashes into the aqua.
His heavy turnip based soup lunches, laced with LSD by yours truly ensuring it takes an eternity for him to rise to the surface.
Anyway, tiring of Sergie’s youthful exhuberance, I advised him to attempt jumping into the water with larger and larger objects cluched in his ham-sized arms.
I noticed he was taking longer and longer to return to the surface and took this as my opportunity to head to the beach for the some much needed alcohol.
Well it is always l’heure de l’apéritif in Skylon world.
Having dipped in to the sea with a nice pair of the stunning range of Penguin swim shorts, the Argyle Bright shorts are nothing short of wonderful. See what I did there? ‘Short of’. My genius is wasted sometimes.
The two back and two hand pocket, draw string fastener shorts are a delight, or the Volley mazarine blue shorts, with the same pocket set up and drawstring fasten are equally stand out.
To say that you won’t struggle to find a quality and stylish pair of swim shorts this year is a massive understatement, you really cannot fail, it’s like hitting water if you fall out of a boat, they are everywhere.
The Gant Rugger check trunks are also a nice version on a theme, zip fly, side and back pocket check print, drawstring fastening. They come in indigo or in sunflower (yellow), more of a standard short cut to these, very nice.
Having made it back safely from his stint as jersey designer for the Gir
o d’Italia, Paul Smith has of course plenty to offer the summer look with some amazing shorts.
I fell head over for the Geometric print shorts. In the main Smith shorts come in a longer cut, ensuring they stand out from the rest and have a tighter fit.
This two side pocket, zip fast and draw strong short is a delight, as are the others in the range, I was bowled over the by the Long Slim-fit shorts, very flexible style wise so be it either captain of the ship or walking the plank these are a top short.
Two side pocket, button and zip fasten, they come in blue or brown with a lovely contrast lining.
I am a sucker for a pattern though and the Signature check shorts are sublime.
All the Smith shorts come with a Paul Smith bag, a touch I think.
In many senses they are probably the short of the summer, zip fly, zip back pocket, two side angled pockets and nicely side fasteners. Very nice indeed.
So having performed consumption miracles at the cocktail bar, attracting quite a crowd, so I thought, I began my walk back down to the water to find Sergei, only to realise the crowd was not gathering in response to yours truly’s gallant drinking skills, rather an ambulance had arrived on the beach and the chattering classes were watching some dayglo clad life-savers performing CPR on my box head Eastern European side kick.
Time to shuffle away me thinks and possibly out of town, but I will stop for a quick Mojito to toast Sergei's passing.
I’ll drink to that.