Thursday, 27 June 2013

In the swim again

DESPITE MY protestations as a young child my mother Lady Eleanor Cheese Bowl of Weybridge would always insist on yours truly being dunked in the local pool, known to many of you as the Channel.

I much preferred letting off guns, or mixing up drinks a laudable amount of Old Fashioneds, I am sure underage drinking was not illegal, well if it was the police who came to complain were sent away with a flea in their ears in the guise of a pound of buckshot.

I would as you can imagine place a variant twist on mother’s demands, the song ‘I love to go swimming with women’ may give you some clue as to frivolity a young Master Skylon would have making use of the Royal Yacht or whatever sea faring vessel was available, and I use that term in its loosest.

I find myself, stuck by the seaside as I am and having spent as much time as humanly possible imbibing or mixing various amounts of pharmaceuticals with rock based sweets, taking to the waters surrounding.

And what a stunning range of attire there is to make this splash-tastic pastime worthwhile.
To the more eloquent among you, and I take it anyone reading my words would be nothing else but, please ignore the word splash-tastic.
I have been making Sergei shout it as he leaps ‘mooning’ from the crumbling West Pier. It is amusing me, as this 6ft 5” goat headed fool, hurls himself from the structure, and in a drained accent splashes into the aqua.

His heavy turnip based soup lunches, laced with LSD by yours truly ensuring it takes an eternity for him to rise to the surface.
Anyway, tiring of Sergie’s youthful exhuberance, I advised him to attempt jumping into the water with larger and larger objects cluched in his ham-sized arms.
I noticed he was taking longer and longer to return to the surface and took this as my opportunity to head to the beach for the some much needed alcohol.
Well it is always l’heure de l’apéritif in Skylon world.
Having dipped in to the sea with a nice pair of the stunning range of Penguin swim shorts, the Argyle Bright shorts are nothing short of wonderful. See what I did there? ‘Short of’. My genius is wasted sometimes.
The two back and two hand pocket, draw string fastener shorts are a delight, or the Volley mazarine blue shorts, with the same pocket set up and drawstring fasten are equally stand out.

To say that you won’t struggle to find a quality and stylish pair of swim shorts this year is a massive understatement, you really cannot fail, it’s like hitting water if you fall out of a boat, they are everywhere.

The Gant Rugger check trunks are also a nice version on a theme, zip fly, side and back pocket check print, drawstring fastening. They come in indigo or in sunflower (yellow), more of a standard short cut to these, very nice.
Having made it back safely from his stint as jersey designer for the Gir

o d’Italia, Paul Smith has of course plenty to offer the summer look with some amazing shorts.
I fell head over for the Geometric print shorts. In the main Smith shorts come in a longer cut, ensuring they stand out from the rest and have a tighter fit.
This two side pocket, zip fast and draw strong short is a delight, as are the others in the range, I was bowled over the by the Long Slim-fit shorts, very flexible style wise so be it either captain of the ship or walking the plank these are a top short.

Two side pocket, button and zip fasten, they come in blue or brown with a lovely contrast lining.
I am a sucker for a pattern though and the Signature check shorts are sublime.
All the Smith shorts come with a Paul Smith bag, a touch I think.
The Orlebar Brown Bulldog shorts coming in red or blue are also delightful.
In many senses they are probably the short of the summer, zip fly, zip back pocket, two side angled pockets and nicely side fasteners. Very nice indeed.

So having performed consumption miracles at the cocktail bar, attracting quite a crowd, so I thought, I began my walk back down to the water to find Sergei, only to realise the crowd was not gathering in response to yours truly’s gallant drinking skills, rather an ambulance had arrived on the beach and the chattering classes were watching some dayglo clad life-savers performing CPR on my box head Eastern European side kick.

Time to shuffle away me thinks and possibly out of town, but I will stop for a quick Mojito to toast Sergei's passing.

I’ll drink to that.

Saturday, 22 June 2013

Pinky round the Brighton gills

AN OLD family friend once said; ‘If I had all the money I’d spent on booze … I’d spend it on booze’, well Sir Henry has long gone.

And although I would never like to besmirch his good name and discolour those great days I had as a child at Rawlinson End teasing Old Scrotum the wrinkled retainer, I must in one sense concur, but in another disagree.
I would spend some of that hard earned, well not that hard earned, on clothes.

As I stroll around the Palace of Glittering Delights that is Brighton, still in some sort of Graham Greene-esque hideaway thriller, a point I made fairly clear to Sergei as I stood at the top of the Metropole hotel’s flag mast at 3am this morning, supping some sort of petrol based Vodka Martini.

As such my new found confidante, who is doing an amazing job of keeping me out of the clutches of PC plod, has also outdone himself having read up on Pinky and got me wearing some particularly stylized designers, to continue our seaside soiree.

Sergie kicked things off with the Hopper Soft Copa Dogtooth blazer, a superbly cut jacket, double vent, two-button jacket to which I have supported with a Daniele Herringbone shirt, long sleeve, French collar shirt.

Much to Sergie’s disgust, I have remained on my Hemingway tip sporting some Pointer Shoes, to be honest in either red or charcoal, these canvas upper shoes are nice turn on a general style, with the finish on the upper making them stand out.

To be honest the Lacoste Essential Rene overlay range of shoes are also a perfect fit, the canvas and leather upper shoes are a simple one colourway shoe that suits the beach/summer life perfectly.

I have also jumped for some of the Paradise Found shirts.

I am loving the Jungle Bird and Kamehameha Tiger prints, these little Aloha print Hawaiian made shirts are a winner, I am particularly impressed by the handmade coconut buttons, just do not try to make a heavily loaded Pina Colada using them, sticks in the throat somewhat.

Remaining on my lost writer/exhile/outlaw journalist tip, I have opted, once again to Sergie’s disgust, no wonder I don’t have a good track record with butlers for shorts over trousers.

The Woolrich Reversable or the Gant Rugger work fine for me. Although to be fair the Marshall Artist cut downs in mint green or electric blue or Farah’s Vintages, also give me that Man Alive feel.

The khaki short is always an Eighth Army type winner, in fact I may drop in a pair of Clarke’s desert boots, it’s just choosing the colour to suit, coming in 12 variations.

So chameleon like I slip into another day at the seaside, not really enough madness here for me, and with the remnants of last nights four star cocktails bonanza still halting me from firing up one of the fabulous Cohiba Esplendidas The Colonel parachuted in to me via the dilapidated West Pier.

I am finding my old penchant for misbehaviour rising high in my gullet.
Maybe some naked skeet shooting off said pier tonight, high on some form of amphetamine based pharmaceuticals, before cocktails at the Grand de Vere?
No, got it, hijack a helicopter and buzz some offshore oil transporters while blasted on Ludes.

Hope I can find some Ludes in this seaside resort.

Well the joy is in the seeking.

I’ll drink to that.

Friday, 14 June 2013

Getting shady with Rayban

ALONG WITH the crashing of the waves, I can hear the bashing of law books as my team of highly paid QCs take up their robes on defence of the realm, namely yours truly Skylon.

In the interim during my ingenious break form the clutches of Her Majesty’s (Gord bless her) Prison Service, I have managed to acquire a one-time Eastern Block Olympic wrestler and KGB operative Sergei, who by the looks of it could take several rounds to his formidably square head without flinching, hence helping me avoid falling foul of the law, should I have a repeat blunderbuss incident, a la Horace, for those of you who read my previous communiqué.

Having managed to fire up the old Bristol, Sergei and I, made haste to the coast, and I am now plotted up on Brighton beach, staring at the sea, and wondering about the truth behind the origins of the fleur de lis being awarded to an old Puncenello, living on the very beach I now find myself.

Anyway, I digress, my head filled with all variants of madness following a night of revelry follow my escape, which saw several bottles of the old widow imbibed, while chatting to my old chum and your one time correspondent The Colonel on a satellite phone from Cuba.

The old sea dog was planning a daring nightime helicopter break out for his old chum Skylon, complete with Che Guevara facial hair and commando greens, along with a plethora of high explosives.

The Colonel is not a man to do things by halves.

Anyway, Sergei, as you might expect, is an expert in disguises and knowing my love of quality fashion he has been checking out some bits and bobs to help me remain hidden from the long arm of the law.
The most obvious starting point for me was sunglasses and what better place to start than Rayban?

The archetypal cult sunny comes in the shape of the Aviator, everybody bows down to this don of shades, the entry level pair comes in the guise of the large metal Aviator, the 100 per cent UV lenses come as standard, the iconic shaped lens and frame, which has been tugging at the heart strings since the 60s, with a gun metal frame colour, with shaded lens. 

Next up the rankings comes the Ultra, which is a limited edition version of this icon, with 18k gold-plated engraved titanium frame and with ‘hydro-oleophobic’ coating on the lenses, what a word that is, I am sure I’ve smoked some of that once while in India with Ravi Shankar and George Harrison.

These come in Gold and White gold frames or try the the Gun mirrored, which smacks of ‘The Man with No Eyes’ in Cool Hand Luke’, which seems appropriate in my current situation on the wring side of the law.

The Cockpit shade comes in various guises; the Metal, which is less oval shaped Polarised lens, coming in green, or in Gold with again green lens or the Silver.

I have been sporting the RB blue shades, which are part of a new range and have gradient brown lenses, a blue plastic frame, with a real 1960s cross style shape. They are also available in black, with black lenses, similar in shape to the Caravan shade.

Of course the Wayfarer lens is another beauty, or drop in the Outdoorsman, which of course has the trim leather detailing.
Sporting some of the summers best looking casual threads in the Orlebar, I have a particular hankering for the Felix polos, coming in Mazanine, with a nice buttonless front placket, it also comes in Riva. If Terry Toweling is your thing, and it is definitely mine, then the stunning polo is something truly special, in a similar style and cut as the Felix, but in TT. Coming in three colours, lagoon (green), Navy and Riva (red).

In a similar laidback style Munsingwear, Penguin are still rocking it, as you would expect, the Floral Total is a delicious addition to the Heritage line, with a stunning floral print.
Or the Lab Rat Geo Jacquard Front polo which ouzes class and just highlights how this label is blazing a trail.

The styles my new right hand man has selected seem apt, sat hear typing as I am on the beach, supping large glasses of Mount Gay, packed with ice.
It really is the only way to clear the cloudy head champagne always leaves me with.

I’ll drink to that.

Wednesday, 5 June 2013

Anderson belts, not Hans Christian Anderson

HAS THE world gone completely mad? PC gone OTT I say. ‘To what madness do you refer Master Skylon?’ I hear you ask.

Well my recent incarceration at Her Majesty’s Pleasure for a mild incursion with my last butler Horace who was loading the buckshot into my favourite blunderbuss and I some how managed to fall onto the trigger whilst reenacting the Charge of the Light Brigade to a few lords and nobles after having imbibed some hi-grade LSD.

I could barely see the bloody gun, or man servant, so how the hell could I possibly be responsible for the removal of Horace’s head, but that’ the law for you these days.

Anyway, having been held in HMP Parkhurst, I declined all prison attire and began organising an ingenious way to escape from my bary hole, which was achieved quite simple by the superb Anderson belts.

I had of course well packed Brady’s bag of fine clothing, which included four said Italian masterpieces starting with the True suede grey woven belt, I love this little Parma handmade fella, its textile, suede combination with solid brass buckle in a grey finish. The True belts come in beige and navy.

I also slipped in another class leather belt in plain brown, 100 per cent leather and is squared off and is really bloody nice.

I linked the two together, along with a leather belt with rounded buckle, polished leather which is one inch wide, then linked it up with a textile multicolour belt.
The last belt is the M6 and is a total winner with leather trim, elasticated stretch to fit belt, contrast stitch and of course brass buckle.

So I am wondering if you are with me on my route to freedom? I had a fair length of superbly handcrafted belts, I went out in the ‘Yard’ as I believe the other prisoners call it, swang those leather and textile beauties skyward hooking the top of the fence, climbed up and out over the top and off to freedom and a large rhesus negative and some oysters at Kettners, London.

Fanciful yes, but I am sure you do not question a man of my calibre do you? Well how else do you think I could return to entertaining the troops with my fabulous blogs?

It's good to be home in Skylon Towers and familiar surroundings, cheers, I'll drink to that.